The Navigator

Posts Tagged ‘compassion’

Yesterday, I found myself reflecting on particularly one past experience that was on the top of my mind because of some other things going on around me.  A year and a half ago, a very good friend just cut me out of her life quite abruptly and was extremely angry with me but wouldn’t tell me why.  We weren’t as close at that point as we once had been and I was ok with the friendship not being there at that point and yet still really hurt by how she did what she did.

I’ve always thought relationships ebb and flow.  She and I had many conversations about that, in fact.  For someone after 10 years of friendship and after all we’d been through to treat me the way she treated me brought me a lot of pain.  I knew that her actions were more about where she was at in her life than they were about me but it still really hurt me.

For the past year and a half, I have gone through a lot of emotions around this.  Most of the time I feel blessed and at peace because I see the gifts in it.  We aren’t in the same place in our lives any more and relationships often shift when that happens.  They need to shift so we can continue to move along our desired path at the rate we are ready to move.  There have also been times when I have cried about how much it hurt to be rejected that way.  It felt so good to get those emotions out and acknowledge them.

Because of all these things that have been happening around me which relate both to the last job I had and my past friend, I found myself thinking about it all again.  There was pain for me in my last job for a lot of reasons and I don’t feel that pain so much any more and see all the gifts it brought to me but I’ve been gone from there for 2 and 1/2 years.  Interestingly, it was actually around the time the pain started to go away for me that the friendship ended.

So after much reflection and a conversation with a dear friend, I decided to ask the question on Facebook.  Do we ever fully stop feeling the pain a situation can bring and just become content with the gifts?  I was touched and amazed at the stories shared there of loss, of suffering, of hurt and how they moved on from it.  I think we probably all have a story about a time we were hurt and the question is, how much does it affect your life today?  How have you chosen to move forward (or have you moved forward)?

Even though I still feel the pain sometimes, I have moved forward.  I have a full life with great friends that support me.  I am more compassionate because of my personal pain.  My family is closer and I get to do what I love every day.  This I can be grateful for.

Thank you to all of you who shared their stories.  What a great group of strong individuals we all our:)

Sounds kind of strange doesn’t it?  Could it really be that simple?  I think so.  The four C’s are :  Consistently delivering Compassion to Collaborately bring about Change. 

For someone to truly heal, they need to feel safe with you.  One way to accomplish this is to provide a consistent experience each time they come in.  This allows them to move right into healing mode rather than having to get familiar with their surroundings all over again.

Compassion.  It is about having compassion for ourselves as healers.  It’s about having compassion for those we work with.  I mention ourselves first because we cannot give something we don’t have and it begins here.  You must have compassion for yourself.  Know that you are doing the best you can and coming from the right place.  Know that you are not the one providing the healing and can only facilitate what someone else is ready to receive.   And then begin…

Once you have compassion for yourself, you can begin to have it for others.  Look at everything you do from their perspective.  What is their experience like?  What would make it better?  What are all the ways you can show them how much you care?

Collaboration means to work with another to achieve something.  This relates to what I mentioned above.  We cannot heal someone.  Each individual is responsible for their own healing.  We, as healers, are just the conduit for it to occur.  It is important that someone be invested in their own healing to truly heal.  You need to work as a team. 

And finally, Change.  I think this one goes without saying.  People see a healer because something isn’t right in their life.  They want something to be different.  By consistently delivering compassion and by collaborating with your client, you can support them in bringing about the change they desire.

If you are a practitioner, I invite you today to take a look at your experience from your client’s perspective and see what they see.  Find something simple to change that will make a big difference.

If you are someone in need of healing (as most of us are), I invite you to decide what you are willing to invest (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially) in your own healing.  Being an responsible participant in your own care will speed the rate of your healing and save you in the long run.

It’s time to live the life you desire – each and everyone one of you!  Let’s all work together to create a world full of healing, full of joy, full of laughter.  Go out today and make a difference.

First published by Essential Wellness in 2004.

I have struggled all my life with a feeling that something was missing. I could never quite put my finger on why or what it was, I just knew that something wasn’t right. I spent many years being angry with others for things I felt were wrong in my life and trying to run from the pain inside. I took this anger out in a variety of ways, none of them healthy or productive. In general, I wasn’t a happy person.

Over the past few years, I decided it was time to do some soul searching and I sought out ways to improve my life as well as my outlook. I explored many avenues of learning. I tried yoga and started meditating. I explored psychic development and tried to live my life more intuitively. I also explored a variety of alternative healing methods. What I discovered was a common denominator in all of these paths – compassion for all, including ourselves.

All the peace and happiness on this earth and in my being can be summed up in one word – compassion.

As we travel on this journey, we tend to look around us in every direction possible searching for the answer when in fact the answer lies within us. Life takes on a whole new meaning when we realize that our entire purpose here on this earth is to develop compassion for all.

Wanting others to be free of suffering is the definition of compassion. Each and every day becomes more meaningful when we fill it with a kind heart, less selfishness, and an attitude of service to others.

Through my own journey, I struggle with this every day. Being a spiritual being in a human body is truly the most difficult task to master.

When I am at work and at home, I am forever put in situations that challenge my ability to have compassion for all. As hard as I try, it seems like something always comes up that I struggle with. This has been a source of frustration for me. I couldn’t figure out why this was so hard. The concept is so basic, I thought, so why can’t I do it? I came to the conclusion that I don’t think perfection means being able to have complete compassion for all in every situation; after all, we are human and have human emotions to cope with. The perfection is in our intention to do it as much as possible and to keep it in the forefront of our minds at all times. In doing so, our ability to have complete compassion grows and we are able to truly feel this way more and more of the time.

Here are some of the ways that have helped me in my quest to have compassion for all:

1. Realize we all come from the same energy.  We are all connected in some way. In Dr. Wayne Dyer’s tape set entitled, The Road is Never Crowded along the Extra Mile; he shares a saying from the Native Americans that says no tree has branches as foolish as to fight amongst themselves. We are all as connected as the branches on a tree and should treat each other as such.

2. Forgive someone from the past.  Through our connectedness, we become angry or resentful towards someone for something they have done or said. We are the only ones who suffer when this happens. Being resentful or angry is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It will eat at you as long and as much as you let it. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you dismiss what they did or said. It simply means, you don’t allow it to affect you in a negative way. Letting go can have a liberating effect on our hearts and souls.

3. Put yourself in their shoes.  When you start to feel angry with someone, put yourself in their shoes. Picture them as a small child. Think about what they have experienced and how those experiences have affected them.  The experiences we’ve had in our lives make us the person that we are today.

4. Be in service to others.  Put yourself in a position to be of service to others. When you live your life thinking in terms of “How can I be of service to this person?”, it softens your heart.

5. Practice living with an open heart.  Lead with your heart in everything you say and do, realizing that along the way there will be many who will not be receptive to this way of thinking and that’s ok. Remember, you can’t control what others do or how they feel. Living your life in this manner will bring a great tenderness into your being that will flow into everything you do and others will notice.

6. Lastly, when faced with a challenging situation, keep repeating “love and compassion” in your mind.  Whenever I am struggling with something, I repeat “love and compassion” in my mind over and over again. This helps me remain calm and focused and to remember what our purpose here on earth is.

Arthur H. Stainback said, “The value of compassion cannot be overemphasized. Anyone can criticize.  It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know that no one cares or understands.” It’s time for us to do our part to make sure that everyone feels as if someone cares. It’s time for us to stand up and, in the words of Gandhi, “Be the change we want tosee in the world.”

Words of wisdom from Barbara De Angelis:

If we did not have problems, we would never learn strength;
If we did not have struggles, we would never learn resilience;
If we did not have delays, we would never learn patience;
If we did not have resistance, we would never learn perseverance;
If we did not have hopelessness, we would never learn faith;
If we did not have suffering, we would never learn compassion.