The Navigator

Archive for the ‘Reflections’ Category

Here is an article I published in one of my newsletters a while back that I got so much positive feedback on, I wanted to share it again.

I am Powerful Article

There is nothing as incredible as feeling powerful and in control of your own life!  However, you are not alone if you have ever felt like you give your power away to others and you don’t know what to do about it.
Here are some signs you may be giving away your power to others:
•    You doubt yourself.
•    You try to make everyone else happy.
•    You go along with others to avoid making waves.
•    You look for approval from others instead of from within.
•    You buy into other people’s drama.
•    You allow yourself to be intimidated.
•    You have poor boundaries.
Any of this sound familiar to you?  It does to me.  I doubt myself.  I look for approval from others.  So why do I do this?  There are many reasons we give our power away.  It might be a habit.  It might be the way we were raised.  We might be afraid of confrontation.  Maybe it feels good in the moment to take care of someone.  What happens when we focus only on that one little moment in time instead of considering the long term impact?
Each time we give our power away, we sell a little bit of our soul.  Over time this adds up.  Even if it feels good in that moment, the price is quite  high.    The good news is we can learn to be powerful, to be in control of our life.   Here are some suggestions:
•    Remember to breathe.
•    Practice staying in your own energy, space, etc.
•    Learn to say “no” and mean it.
•    See yourself as a whole being, with all the right answers.
•    Use your anger wisely and stand up for yourself.  Anger isn’t always bad – just use it wisely.
•    Ask for what you want and need.
•    Realize that other people have their own path and you are not responsible for them.
•    Remember that someone else’s behavior almost never has anything to do with you.  Practice just observing it without any attachments.
When we choose to live our life from a place of strength and trust, when we are living authentically it means we have the courage to show up as our true self.  It doesn’t mean being rude or inconsiderate.  It does mean speaking our truth and believing in who we are at our very core.

Today I choose to be my authentic self.  Today I will not apologize for that.  Today I choose to be powerful and it feels really great!

Today I hope you’ll choose to be your authentic self.  Today I hope you will not apologize for it.  Today I hope you will choose to be powerful and it will feel really great!

Another good one that I’ve probably posted in the past but good to get the reminder.

I think I’ve posted this in the past but it’s been a while and always a good one to reflect on:

You have been telling the people that this is the 11th hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is The Hour.

And there are things to be considered…

Where are you living?
What are you doing?
Where are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.

It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside of yourself for the leader.

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said,

This could be a good time!

There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold onto the shore.
They will feel that they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination.

The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river
Keep our eyes open and our heads above the water.

And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all, ourselves.
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over.
Gather yourselves!

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.

All that we do must now be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Yesterday I posted about my scary trip on 35W Monday evening.  If you didn’t read the last post, you may want to before reading this one.

My feeling of floating, of not connecting to the road also connects for me on how it is in business when you don’t have the right tools to get you where you want to go.  It’s tough to get traction when you don’t have what you need and are trying to “go forward” anyway.  Sometimes, we need to take a little detour and re-evaluate where we are at before taking action.

Do you have a business plan?  A marketing plan?  Are you clear about what you want?

These are just a few things to consider when in business for yourself.  Make sure you have the tools you need to be successful (however you define that)!

As some of you may have heard, last night I traveled to Owatonna to teach a Community Ed class on Auras and Chakras (including those great photos!).  The roads, weather and traffic were not pretty.  What should have taken me an hour to drive from my last meeting ended up taking me 2 1/2 hours!  I was late.  I’m never late to teach a class.  Luckily, everyone waited and they were happy when I arrived – nothing like being cheered on by 20 people in a room LOL.  They were even happier when I told them I was going to give them all their reports instead of having them pay the $10 if they wanted it since they had been so patient (they cheered again).

After class, I set out to make my way home.  It was the weirdest experience driving that I think I have ever had.  I felt like I was floating along the highway.  My car felt like it was being pulled side to side by wind but there wasn’t much wind.  I couldn’t feel the road under my car.  It was as if it wasn’t there.  I felt really unsure of myself and where I was headed.  After driving slowly for about an hour, noticing how few cars were on the road which seemed odd for 35W, I passed a white van that had gone off the road and rolled in the ditch.  A semi had pulled over to help them.

That was all it took.  I pulled off the road at the next exit, stopped at a gas station, bought a toothbrush and toothpaste and found a hotel for the night.

I am so glad I followed my intuition in deciding to pull off the road.  At the gas station, there were people talking about another accident up the road and how the highway was glare ice.  That must be why I felt like I was floating and couldn’t feel the road beneath my car.

This story has a couple of connections for me that I would like to share with you, one now and one tomorrow.

On your  journey, there will be times that you feel like you are floating along.  There will also be times when you feel like you can’t get any traction and aren’t making any progress.  Take a minute and ask yourself what you need to do right now in your life for your highest good.  If you follow your intuition, it will never steer you wrong.  While someone jokingly told me I should have kept going last night (he does auto body repair), I knew what was right for me to pull over and take a break.  I listened.  It slowed down my journey a bit but I made it home, safe and sound and my family, both two-legged and furry, never looked so good to me.  Trust your intuition.  Listen to the guidance it provides every step of the way.  Life is so much more enjoyable this way.

Isn’t Sunday supposed to be a day of rest?  LOL I guess when I am my own boss, I can’t complain about doing a little work today.  After all, it is my choice and I do love what I do.  I noticed the sun is shining brightly and hope to go into town a little later to get my car washed.  It is in dire need!

I shared a little bit on Facebook last night about how I got lost in the middle of nowhere heading home after a class in WI.  It was late, it was dark and I was tired.  It was all I could do to stay focused on the prize of getting home instead of losing it.  Before I went to the class, I had a nudge to print the directions on Mapquest in reverse…a nudge I obviously ignored.  I thought I’ll be fine, I’m used to following directions, I can figure it out to get back home.

Well, most of the time that’s true.  I’m pretty well versed on the art of following directions but every once in a while, I need that extra help and guidance and this was definitely one of those times.  You’ll be happy to know that I did make it home, in one piece and not too crabby.  I found a nice man at a gas station who gave me directions to get back to the highway (side note:  how come gas station attendants never seem to know where they are??).  Lastly, don’t give up.  I was so frustrated and was on the verge of losing it when that man appeared and gave me exactly what I needed.  Most businesses give up, right before the turning point would have happened where they can experience the success they desire.

Don’t give up on your dream!

Check out her blog: http://mixcreative.wordpress.com/2009/10/21/email-marketing-words-to-avoid/

Yesterday, I found myself reflecting on particularly one past experience that was on the top of my mind because of some other things going on around me.  A year and a half ago, a very good friend just cut me out of her life quite abruptly and was extremely angry with me but wouldn’t tell me why.  We weren’t as close at that point as we once had been and I was ok with the friendship not being there at that point and yet still really hurt by how she did what she did.

I’ve always thought relationships ebb and flow.  She and I had many conversations about that, in fact.  For someone after 10 years of friendship and after all we’d been through to treat me the way she treated me brought me a lot of pain.  I knew that her actions were more about where she was at in her life than they were about me but it still really hurt me.

For the past year and a half, I have gone through a lot of emotions around this.  Most of the time I feel blessed and at peace because I see the gifts in it.  We aren’t in the same place in our lives any more and relationships often shift when that happens.  They need to shift so we can continue to move along our desired path at the rate we are ready to move.  There have also been times when I have cried about how much it hurt to be rejected that way.  It felt so good to get those emotions out and acknowledge them.

Because of all these things that have been happening around me which relate both to the last job I had and my past friend, I found myself thinking about it all again.  There was pain for me in my last job for a lot of reasons and I don’t feel that pain so much any more and see all the gifts it brought to me but I’ve been gone from there for 2 and 1/2 years.  Interestingly, it was actually around the time the pain started to go away for me that the friendship ended.

So after much reflection and a conversation with a dear friend, I decided to ask the question on Facebook.  Do we ever fully stop feeling the pain a situation can bring and just become content with the gifts?  I was touched and amazed at the stories shared there of loss, of suffering, of hurt and how they moved on from it.  I think we probably all have a story about a time we were hurt and the question is, how much does it affect your life today?  How have you chosen to move forward (or have you moved forward)?

Even though I still feel the pain sometimes, I have moved forward.  I have a full life with great friends that support me.  I am more compassionate because of my personal pain.  My family is closer and I get to do what I love every day.  This I can be grateful for.

Thank you to all of you who shared their stories.  What a great group of strong individuals we all our:)

Rhonda Britten tweeted out last night about making a list of people you despise, ignore, deny, avoid, poke fun at, put down, etc.  Then she asked how it is that we want them to change.  The last question is a killer.  She asked “how are you like them?”.

Ouch!

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of exercises like this but it still gets me every time.  Depending on how I look at it, I have been blessed with people who drive me nuts occasionally.  I know they are only a mirror for my own behavior.  All those nasty little things I wish no would ever find out about but can’t be denied.   There are lots of little human traits I’d like to eliminate.  Sometimes I get angry.  Sometimes I lash out.  Sometimes I criticize others. ..

Random thought here…there is a giant pink sea creature walking around the Mall of America…I’m completely creeped out.

…anyway…yes, and sometimes I look for opportunities to ignore the truth.  Opportunities as random as the giant pink sea creature.

Another random thought (but, in some ways, not random at all)…There is a baby crying and his mother is just watching him and smiling.  I find myself uncomfortable with this.  I wonder why she doesn’t do something to quiet him, comfort him.  Is it his crying I am uncomfortable with or my own emotions?   Is it healthy that she just lets him cry his eyes out in a crowed mall, knowing that he’ll feel better when it’s over, regardless of how it makes others feel?

Anyway, back to the truth that I prefer to ignore sometimes.  The truth is that I’m angry with myself sometimes.  The truth is that I don’t criticize anyone else more than I criticize myself.  I am so hard on myself.  I am my own worst enemy.  Nobody ever tells me that I’m not good enough.  Nobody ever tells me that I don’t do enough.  Nobody ever tells me that I can’t do whatever I want – except me.  I have my very own mean girl, compliments of my own self doubt and struggles.  Lucky me.

Sometimes it seems so overwhelming to think about all the conditioning I’d like to remove from my life and sometimes I think it’s not worth the bother because as soon as one thing is gone, something else will crop up in it’s place.  It’s a never ending cycle, right?  Or is it?  Perhaps there does come a day when we wake up and realize that everything we’ve done so far, people notice…we notice…we feel…we grasp the difference…deep inside of us.

If I look hard, I have noticed a lot less drama in my life.  My biggest drama is wanting a place in the house that’s just mine, all mine.  I used to have all kinds of people in my life with lives full of drama.  So much that it made my head hurt.  Now, I don’t.  Isn’t that a big indicator that my life has changed?  That my work is paying off?  After all, the people around us are only a reflection of our true selves.  Our inner reality.  If I could have chosen one thing to eliminate it would definitely be drama so I guess I am on the right track.

There will always be something to work on, something we can improve.  And we can’t overlook the progress we make with every little step we take.  Today I’m going acknowledge my growth and I’m going to pick something I really want to work on and make it a priority as I move into 2010.  Funny, I typed 2020 first -perhaps I am a little resistant to what I might find, something I’ve preferred not to look at?! LOL.  It’ll all be ok, right?  Everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be.  All is right in my world.

Until next time…

I joined Facebook as a way to connect with people, real people.  I wanted to build and strengthen relationships, like most.  I love the real time information that comes my way each time I log on.  I love getting to see what movies people are watching, who they spent the day with, what the weather is like in different parts of the world.  I had a mission and couldn’t be taken off track until a warm day in the fall of 2009.  The day my children began talking about Restaurant City and other similar games and how much fun they were having (or something like that).

I remember thinking things like “what a waste of time”, “I’m so glad I don’t spend my time like that”, and “I’ve got better things to do”.  I was so proud of myself for staying strong, even when I saw all the posts on my wall.  People looking for new loot in Mafia Wars, people cooking new recipes in Restaurant City, people moving up levels in Petville and people needing friends in Happy Aquarium.   Then it happened…

I broke down.  I just want to check it out, I told myself.  I just want to see what all the hype is about.  It’s no big deal.  One look or two, I can walk away.  I’m strong and I’m really busy so I know I it won’t be a problem.  It started innocently enough.  I built a little restaurant in Restaurant City, my first drug of choice.  I decorated it, came up with a creative name and it felt so personal.  I was like a proud mom.  It was mine, all mine.  All I had to do now was come up with better food so people would want to eat at my restaurant.

I watched it grow and grow.  Soon I could plant a garden and nurture that.  I could buy and trade the food items I needed and I could decorate and redecorate any way I wanted.  After all, I was a successful restaurant owner – one of the most successful in my neighborhood.  After a while, my interest dwindled.  There weren’t as many recipes I wanted to develop and the people who came, they just left messes for me to clean up and I was tired.  My employees, if left unsupervised for long would stop working and take naps on the floor.  The bathroom was never clean enough.  It’s hard work running a restaurant, you know.

So I moved on and gave some other games a chance.  I didn’t want any of them to feel left out and I had all these gifts from my friends.  It felt so rude to not accept the gifts, so I just had to do it.  I tried Petville.  Dressed my pet up nice and cute.  Didn’t like having to visit other places, it was kind of a pain.  I tried some aquarium game but couldn’t keep my tank clean.  I tried some other pet game but my pet went to the pound when didn’t check on them enough because they were hungry.  I tried YoVille and didn’t get it.  I tried Farmville and my crops kept dying.  Then I found Cafe World.  Ahhh, another restaurant game.   My workers did what they were there to do.  They never let me down.  The recipes were easier to keep track of.  I was in heaven.  I fought long and hard to have the best restaurant in the neighborhood and then once I had that status, I fought to keep it.  Then I wondered why.

Then I found Country Life.  Such cute animals and for some reason the crops were easier to maintain.  I could even make it rain and watch my crops mature faster.  I was, once again, in heaven. Or was it hell?

You see, like many others, my addictions to these games runs deep.  Why?  I’m not sure.  It might be the mindlessness of it all.  An opportunity to escape?  Perhaps.  The bottom line, I got sucked in like everyone else does. It’d be easy to blame Facebook and on the companies and individuals who create apps for them (I am in awe over their creativity and drive).  It’d be easy to blame those who sent me gifts I just couldn’t resist but I know in the end it was me, just me.   But today, I’m taking back control of my life.  From here on out, I vow to stick to the occasional game I can play for little while and conquer – rather than the never ending, mindless clicking of the games on Facebook that goes on forever and ever.  I realize that my life is so much better without these games and, to play occasionally is not a big deal.  To begin to set my schedule based on when my food will be ready to serve, not ok.  Funny, but not ok.

So if I’ve shared a neighborhood with you, you will be missed but hopefully we can connect in other ways – the ways I wanted in the first place.  If you send me a gift, please don’t take it personally when I don’t accept it.  Today, my life is mine once again.  I’ve got great things to do and it’s time to get busy once again.

Happy holidays to all!  If you want to join my club, feel free.  Perhaps we can start a new neighborhood somewhere…